Silent Angel

Today is a day to reflect on how much our Father in Heaven knows and how little I know. Twenty four years ago today, I held a silent angel in my arms and with my heart full of questions, I put my trust in the arm of the Lord. As I held a perfect little body, sleeping in my arms and marveled that all he had to do was open his eyes and breath for me, I was full of fear and sadness, but strengthened by the power of the priesthood. I wanted my baby to be with me, but I knew that he was in a far happier place and with our Savior.
As I began the grieving process, I thought I would never feel happy again. I didn't want to feel shock, anger, despair and finally reorganization. I studied all the steps and dreaded all but the last when I would be 'normal', but I soon realized that I would never be innocent eyed again. I also realized that I had a choice to make. Better or Bitter. I choose better, I just hope I am succeeding.
This morning, I got an email from my best friend. Which brought warm tender feelings.....I was crying as the first graders marched in (will they use it against me?). I also walked into my bedroom after work and was startled by a vibrant beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers sitting on my nightstand. It has made me feel very tender. As I was driving to get Carter and listening to some inspirational music, I felt the tears coming. Why? I have been fine for years. I started to realize that although my little one was in a celestial place, he hasn't been with me. I haven't been blessed with his personality the way I have with his siblings. I don't know if he is a natural leader, a server of his mankind, a musician. Is he gregarious and outgoing, or shy and quiet? I have felt his presence from time to time and know he is a valiant spirit. I look forward to my time with him.
I listened to the Tabernacle Choir sing, " He lives and I shall conquer death." I already knew that. Thank you for your thoughts for me today. It has been a great day.

Go, Go, Go Carter

I am excited to see Bountiful Junior Highs production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. Carter will be the cutest brother as Zebulon. I am frantically making costumes. One of which I think I blew, but I was just following the pattern. I have 10 tickets for Friday April 2nd, if anyone wants some. If you want to get your own, they are on sale in the mornings before school. 7:30 - 8:00. Priced at $5.00 for adult -$4.00 for under 11. Tickets are selling out fast. It runs March 30th through April 2nd. Carter has been practicing hard. I can't wait to see it.
Go, go, go Carter- you are the one.

Can You Feel the Excitement?

I am feeling a whisper of spring. I have no signs, just a feeling in the air. I am putting away all the snowman and Valentimes (for you Hayden) stuff today and looking for my spring tablecloths. Every time I walk by a garden I am searching for little reddish green tips of tulips. Or straight and strong towers of future daffodils. I have totally forgotten where I planted my bulbs last fall so in a few weeks, I will be excited to discover the balm of spring. I remember the spring colors, the tall purple iris, the sunset hues of the tulips. I even love the little weeds already trying to push a place into the garden. Sorry little weeds, you will have to look for a home somewhere else, but I love your color. I am picturing the apple trees with their pale pinks, and the peach tree with it's brilliant pink. I am listening for the love songs of the birds as they find a new home for their babies (sorry Lesley). I know that in the coming weeks I will be able to sleep with my window open and fall asleep to the lullaby of the frogs. Can anyone bottle that incredible fresh smell? And my favorite holiday is already decorating my mind. This has been worth the wait. This is worth enduring a cold and worse dark. I love the light. It's coming!!!!

Winter Has Me In It's Grip

Boy, does it ever. This seems to be an especially hard winter for me. I am feeling like a tree with no leaves, cold to the bone and my sap seems to be frozen. Add to that - things keep breaking- cars (thanks Steve for fixing mine) computers- (thanks Jamey for fixing that) hearts- working on that one. I have contention all around me. I don't like that. How many weeks until we can fire up the barbecue? The good part is that I should have an exceptional spring!

Superman's Super Snow Man

I told Steve I wanted a snowman. I love snowmen, a love I share with Ethan. Mu house is decorated in snowmen right now. We also love our snow man dishes. Steve assembled this on his birthday. Carter helped with the general shape then was distracted building a snow fort. I told Steve that I wanted a little fire pit in front of the snowman to put a candle in...it looked great. Steve even found the perfect arms. It was especially cool looking at night. We kept going out to look at him. Ethan had a great time throwing snowballs at him, trying to douse the candle. Carter changed his hat for a World War 2 helmet. But I love my snowman. He is looking very saggy. Hmmm. If you haven't read "Snowmen At Night" by Caralyn and Merk Beuhner, you should make the effort. An interesting story that explains why snowmen look saggy. I usually start looking for spring as soon as Christmas ends, but I am hoping for another good snowstorm. We have ideas for some friends for our little snowman. Any suggestions on what to name him? If you haven't seen him yet, it's probably too late. He's terminal.


There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. ~Clyde Moore.

Tree Trouble

I have had a Christmas tree glut. I decorated:
My living room tree,












Our Angel and moose tree. Try and figure that one out!

My science room tree-took it down and redecorated it in the library,
my music room tree-took it down and redecorated it in the boys room,







I always love this little glowing tree


Lacey's Aggie tree- she took it down and redecorated it in her room, and I helped my mom with her tree. They all bring a little jingle to my heart. Although, we have found that you can't put a cheap tree over a heat register. Strange things happen.








Go Aggies!

The first time the boys room tree fell over, it awoke Hayden. He immediately blamed Zooey, but she was asleep by him. Then he blamed Carter. Carter was asleep in the family room. We 'Jerry-rigged' it back up. About an hour later, it fell for the last time. Shall we give it a decent burial or try and make a wooden stand? (they don't melt)

Oh Dear!!

I just had to take Hayden to his practice and when we started the car, I saw this big old head looking at me from my patio by my lilac bushes. I asked Hayden, "Is that a deer?". We decided it was.Then we looked into the garden and each saw another deer....not the same one. I pulled the car so the headlights shone on the garden and another fawn jumped into the garden from the lower yard. They weren't nervous about us at all. Four deer in our yard at once. I took Hayden to his practice , did some light shopping and when I came home they are all bedded down in the gardens. I threw out four old apples and they didn't move at all. I tried to take their picture, but that wasn't cool. They left. I think I can hear them going down the driveway. I hope they aren't spying for Santa Claus!